Maybe Someday You & Me Can Run Away

I now owe you guys two video blogs that will happen sometime next month.

Tomorrow, Michael and I are taking the SAT.

This calls for a Get Psyched mix. "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME. DARLIN', YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!"

no? nobody got that tv show reference I made with bon jovi lyrics?

okay.

Anyhow, levity.

"Always be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do?"

Is life a comedy or a tragedy? Let's make it both, either way.

I actually don't have well-formed thoughts on this subject. Sorry, Hayley.

[it's apparently a 2003 Morgan Freeman movie? Okay. He has a cool voice. Also a Polish avant-pop-jazz group]

I have felt far too serious this month in my obsessive blogging. But if levity is a lack of seriousness, I don't desire an excess of it.

See, I have no specific definition to go off, that's my problem.

Pshhh, whatever. I've really enjoyed BEDA, even though I failed a couple of times...

Speaking of which, all day yesterday I was like, "I'll blog later." Yeah, that worked out well.

Thank you, my loyal handful of readers, for sticking with me this month. =)

Song I Can't Stop Listening To: Juliet - LMNT

bonus video!

Tomorrow: May. No blogging obligation ;) (i will, however, be writing an essay very early in the morning)

12:01

oops?

i am a hypocrite (or you think i am)

Misappropriation

& word association

"I'm fine."

means

"I won't tell you what's on my mind."

we've all heard that before

so we try to even the score

with a,

"Golly, I'm great!"

in order to placate

the thought.

A shot rings out

and they shout

"the war has begun!"

frantic cries

"stop, please!"

are taken as lies

"you will be pleased!"

for the last time

"I don't like oranges"

i mean, by that line,

"I don't like oranges"

sometimes they believe what you say

when you say what you believe

but sometimes

they just...leave

Occasionally it's easier to make words rhyme than to write anything; so this isn't even a poem, it's just rhymey words. :P

Song my brother enjoys: Elephant Love Medley - Ewan McGregor/Nicole Kidman

Tomorrow: Levity. [sugerido cerca Hayley]

April 27th

Since I let Dr. Seuss, Billy Joel and David talk for me yesterday, I figured I'd have to use some of my own words today.

Recent Happenings:

• I'm finally getting around to reading The Man Who Was Thursday. I started it in 2007 and I think I made it through one chapter and then somehow stopped reading...that was really silly of me.

• I am not a physicist.

• I got a new phone and it is awesome and my dad is awesome for buying it for me and Armando is awesome for selling it to him. Armando. I named the phone after him.

• I should be prepping for the SAT right now. Functions and integers, rational numbers and sequences and series. Fooey.

• "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

=)

Song I Can't Stop Listening To: Hey Ya! - Outkast

Tomorrow: Misappropriation.

I've been far too serious lately. :SRS FACE:

"The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,

or a plane to go or the mail to come,

or the rain to go or the phone to ring,

or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls,

or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls,

or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.

You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,

once more you’ll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!"

I've realized lately that life involves a lot of waiting.

&

"Slow down, you crazy child

you're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart, tell me

Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You'd better cool it off before you burn it out

You've got so much to do and

Only so many hours in a day.

But you know that when the truth is told,

That you can get what you want or you get old

You're gonna kick off before you even

Get halfway through.

When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine.

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time.

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Tonight...

Too bad but it's the life you lead,

you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need .

Though you can see when you're wrong, you know

You can't always see when you're right; you're right."

"Patience is a virtue." they say. I think whoever they are, they have the right idea. (it's one of the fruits of the spirit, right?)

&

"Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.

Lord, hear my voice!

Let Your ears be attentive

To the voice of my supplications.

If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You,

That You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,

And in His word do I hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

More than the watchmen for the morning;

Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD;

For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,

And with Him is abundant redemption.

And He will redeem Israel

From all his iniquities."

But, also, Carpe Diem.

Song that I adore (& that semi-reminds me of waiting): Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? - She & Him [this is a super super weird music video xP]

Tomorrow: {deliberately ambiguous topic here}

[Related Works]

I remember when we were little my siblings and I were sometimes only allowed to be outside on the porch.

I really don't remember why.

But what I do recall is that we would walk into the street and say "the porch is connected to the walkway that's connected to the street, so...we're still on the porch!"

Okay, maybe this was just me. Honestly, I was a weird kid.

But, anyway, I wanted to talk about interconnectivity.

Specifically the interconnectivity of the gospel to our lives.

God is everywhere, and our thoughts should be centered on Him at every moment. That means that no matter what we encounter in this world it should remind us of Him and the work He has done and is doing. [Okay, wait, God's out of time, therefore, it's only "the work He is doing"...okay]

But oftentimes my thoughts are filled with other things, stories, ideas, loves, fears, SAT preparations. Does this mean God is not in those things? Or involved in them in any way? Of course not. Now I'm not saying that God is "in everything" as in...this piece of Play Doh and this roll of paper towels and this Fajita Seasoning on the table here are all God...but that He is the ruler and creator of all things, and therefore the One we must abide in at every moment.

"You know what the entire job description

of a Christian is? Abide." -Eric Ludy

But...what about impromptu speeches and SAT essays?
This is my question: just because God is everywhere, and part of everything, and should be dwelt on with every thought...does that mean that we must speak of Him with every breath?

Should I write my SAT essay on the topic of, say, "trust" and talk about how much I trust my Savior? Or should I not mention Him at all?

It's easy to make fun of the people who always have a point in their impromptu speeches about God. "Jesus" becomes cliché. Well...maybe we don't always have to talk about Him. I mean, our acknowledging His presence doesn't make Him any more present.

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to

worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling

the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." -C.S. Lewis

Am I justified in talking about real concrete things, philosophy, difficult situations, issues...without directly mentioning the Lord? He seems to be a force that is called upon in the most desperate of circumstances, and left by the wayside when little things crop up.

Oh, but...oh.

I don't believe He should ever be ignored by His children. We are the here to run the race He has set us on. & He is always there for us. (& we fail so miserably at attempting to do the same for Him) We need only to call on His name, to recognize his presence. A friend of mine was having computer trouble, and he prayed over his computer and I...wanted to laugh at him, just because it's a silly little thing.

But nothing is silly and little. Everything is His.

But even if I did resolve to speak every thought, every word, for Him...I feel as if I would fail. As I have so many times in the past.

My thoughts are disjointed at this point, and I feel like this would've made a better video blog. Especially because I would've been able to use Play Doh. But, oh well, I shall leave you with my rambling of uncertainty.

Song [that you probably don't like, but the video's funny]: Burnin' Up - Jonas Brothers (video by Judith)

Tomorrow: Waiting.

stuff i usually just try not to think about...[/war]

Okay, I've been reading "All Quiet On The Western Front" this week and it just reminded me of some questions I've often heard...

Is war ever justified?

What is the validity of pacifism?

Should Christians be soldiers?

God said "thou shalt not murder" yet aided Israel in the slaughter of thousands?

I know killing isn't the same as murdering.

But...

"Whoever sheds man's blood,

By man his blood shall be shed,

For in the image of God

He made man." {Genesis 9:6}

Doesn't this automatic sacredness of every life mean that any taking of a man's life is murder? And thus, in the sight of God, sin? But why then would God lead His people in war against the nations?

Self-defense is considered a justifiable homicide. At least, according to the 5,423 Law & Order episodes I've seen.* What's the biblical perspective on self-defensive killing? I feel like there's something in Leviticus about this.

A spider is walking across the ground next to me. I think I will kill it.

Song I Can't Stop Listening to: I Was Once A Loyal Lover - Death Cab for Cutie

Tomorrow: Related Works.

*slightly inflated numbers

In Which I Have Continued To Read Nedroid

"What is the secret to great living? Entire separation to Christ and devotion to Him. Thus speaks every man and woman whose life has had more than a passing flicker in the spiritual realm. It is the life that has no time for trifling that counts." -Amy Carmichael

What trifles have I been spending all this God given time on?

Will I do better now that I want to?

I feel as if I have wanted to all along.

Oh, desire.

Also, humorous sarcastic anecdote here.

My Favorite Song: Amazing Grace

Tomorrow: War...what is it good for?

I have like 55 minutes...

My lack of post yesterday was retribution for no one commenting on Tuesday's post.
Or I was at reg10nals all day, and Burger King some of the night. Yes, that was it.

Which means I legit owe you another video blog. Ideas?


I've been reading this comic a lot recently:

[/http://nedroid.com]

Yeah, it makes me laugh, a lot.


Today Michael and I walked about 3 miles to Chipotle. True story. The burritos are that good. Or maybe we were bored. I don't know. It was nice out. Fragmented sentences.

This video made me laugh, but will only make sense to you if you are a Columbo fans. Yes, I will now alienate anyone outside my family who reads this blog...unless some of you are closeted Columbo fans.

Wisdom from the tournament this week: "Guys don't socialize in the bathroom!" -Mark Cloutier ["Yeah, the most you'll ever get is a: 'sup?."]

I read through all the "REAL LIFE" sample essays in the SAT prep book today. They were the same ones I read last year, and they were equally unimpressive.

Speaking of impressive...the time-stamp on this post will give you an accurate portrayal of how long I took to write it. [hint: I wrote the title before I started writing any of this...] I'm gonna guess this will be unimpressive as I am a massive procrastinator and am alternately working in photoshop.

I like how this turned out:

I like you all.

Song currently playing on my iPod: Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes [not that I'm recommending this song. :nervous laughter: :P]

Tomorrow: An excerpt.

time remaining: 30 minutes. PWNED.

on my way out the door...

So this'll be brief.

On the topic of surety:
I will use "the state of being sure or certain of something" as a definition.


I really wanted to ask, what are you sure of?

I am sure of Christ.

I am sure of the deliciousness of Chipotle burritos.

I am sure that I am unsure about most things.


What about you?

in which my thoughts are rambly...

Those of you who saw/read my persuasive last year know that I'm not the biggest fan of the implications of the word "tolerance".

But, of course, on principle, I fiercely believe in tolerance, in the way that it's the opposite of intolerance. Intolerance disgusts me. & it's one of the only things I find intolerable in others. [Which...I guess...is really hypocritical :P]

Perhaps it's naive of me to believe the best of the people that I encounter, to give everyone a second and third and fourth chance, to prefer assumptions of pure motive. But I feel as if it's my duty as a person to love...well...everyone.

This doesn't make love any less sincere, it simply means that I search for and long to find the lovable in everyone. I remember Grace discussing a while back what the worth is in every person. Correct me if I'm wrong hermana, but it was something like...since everyone is created in God's image, there is inherent value in every person.

That's why I'm a little perturbed by both intolerance and tolerance alike. Neither allows for much love.

When it comes to practices like lasciviousness, dishonesty, homosexuality, idolatry...these should not be things that we just generally accept, this point I agree on. But with this belief often comes a confusion as to how we should treat those who participate in said practices. Love is left by the wayside.

Maybe I talk too much about love, maybe everyone does. But even if this doesn't tell you anything you didn't already know...at least I am reminded. And I think by reminding myself of the foundation of care and concern my actions should be based on, I am working towards an imitation of Christ.

This imitation will be shoddy at best, if I'm the only one trying. But I am being refined by One who is not limited by the frail corrupted part of humanity. His unbound humanity and unmatched deity make up for more offenses than I could ever commit (and that's a lot).

I am grateful today, that even though I've been feeling really under the weather lately, I'm still happy and content. At peace to live in God's arms. [but I must continue to be reminded to strive to be...better]

Song for today: All You Need Is Love - The Beatles

Tomorrow: Surety.

These things are worth something.

Love

Love

Love

Love

Love

also, here's my video blog:

I sound like Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail when she's all, "Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flower?" only...with a deeper voice.

What inspired the background music: Hello Goodbye - Glee

Tomorrow: Tolerance.

Sick.

blue tinted glasses in a rose-colored world

"sheer genius!
come see this!"
the girl played the violin

"we don't know why!
now and then we cry."
the boy was bent towards violence

"my child will rise,
a demon in disguise!"
he laughed in his playful way

"if angels could be on earth,
this one would have an angel's worth!"
she mended hearts and stopped decay

"look how high,
the change is nigh!"
he was older, but not much wiser

"I just don't see!
how could this be‽"
she wouldn't be getting any older, they told her

"we love you!"
he turned a blind eye

"we love you!"
she wouldn't let them cry



"Everybody knows, it sucks to grow up."


Tomorrow: With a word.

Sometimes it cuts.

Paper, that is.

As a result of several months of hanging out with them, printers are now my friends. I have learned many things from them. That ink and toner always run out at the worst possible moment for instance. But also that every print job (and their mom) needs paper.

Paper comes with a sense of permanence you can't find in the electronic world. No matter how much more reliable files and emails and backup drives are than paper, the written word on the literal page always feels more concrete. Am I the only one that feels like this? I feel better when I have a copy of my novel/short story/debate case/autobiographical rap/etc. printed out and tucked away somewhere.

In a similar vein, a letter feels more sincere than an email (no matter how sincere you try to be in emails; personally, I am a big fan of sincerity all around). Maybe words in a person's own hand are more reminiscent of them personally (by "hand" here I mean "handwriting", not sure where your mind was going with that, but I envisioned a person carrying words a la Mr. Tumnus in The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe). Or maybe we just like to know that someone took the time to write something specifically for us, rather than just type up a quick email or Facebook wall post.

[Hey, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the occasional "ILY!!!!!" wall post. No, really, I actually like when people write on my wall. But now I've gotten off topic...]

Why do homeschoolers love letters so much? I think it might have to do with the fact that letters are generally awesome and awesome people recognize awesome things when they see them. Awesome. [I choose not to use this paragraph to make fun of homeschoolers...even though it's a super-effortless task]

Paper's interesting in another way, it can be used to deceive so easily. Counterfeit money, and falsified birth-certificates (not a political commentary in any sense of the word) are just a few examples of the power of paper.

[Power to the paper. Power to the people.]

Where was I? Truthiness. I like to write true things on paper (and on the computer too, I mean, I'm not picky about where I spread truth). Truth becomes a realer reality to me, when I write it down. Or when I read it. In a book that smells like the library. That's why the Kindle will never compare. Typeset words on a screen cannot feel sincere. My SAT-prep mindset is telling me that this paragraph has way too many disjointed sentences in it. Whatever.

In short, I like paper.

Song I listened to while writing this: Cannibal Resource - Dirty Projectors ("suggested" by Erin ;) [http://xkcd.com/541/]

Tomorrow: blue tinted glasses in a rose-colored world

p.s. I still need suggestions for my vlog, I mean, seriously guys, come on ;)

Hmph.

I'm not going to post today.

Primarily because I am not in the mood and I've been doing a lot of work today.

But also because I wanted to try out this punishment deal.

So soundoff in the comments (yeah, that's some youtube phrasing right there) your suggestion for what my video blog should be about.

Tomorrow: Paper

The Easter Bunny & Hope

It's perfectly alright to be disillusioned to the fantasies of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

But when I say I am "antidisillusionment" those types of true disillusionments are not what I'm talking about. Being freed from falsehood is of ultimate importance. I am, however, against the idea that you can be disillusioned to hope, or love or the possibility of peace.

Hope & love & peace aren't illusions we need to be woken from.

I hate when people say they've been disillusioned to hope. I (most confidently) say that there is always hope. Maybe it's corny of me to say it, and maybe you think I'm like a little kid still believing in Santa Claus, but...I don't care. I will always hope.

The delusion of disillusionment to hope or joy or love or peace or any other number of blessings is worse than any imaginable obscenities to nature's created beauty.

This was a little disjointed, sorry. I still love you all.

Song you should listen to: The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel

Tomorrow: Poker. (...face?)

this is why my brother is awesome.

...among other reasons.

So Michael agreed to do a photoshoot with me yesterday, even though he had a terribly uncomfortable time during this one:

Anyway, in order to completely humiliate him (jk Michael! :P), I thought it would be fun to share some of yesterdays shots with ya'll. Also, because it requires me to write less words.

Song we had stuck in our heads: At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be) - fun.

Tomorrow: Antidisillusionment

& then everybody died. the end.

spoiler alert?
I think Hamlet's been around long enough for that not to matter anymore.

There are some pretty classic lines in Hamlet.

"Frailty, thy name is woman!"

"To be, or not to be, that is the question,

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them."

"There's a divinity that shapes our ends,

Rough-hew them how we will."

I've heard many of these things before, but I am ever so glad that I read the play in its entirety. It's inevitably better to experience something yourself than to have it explained to you. Unless the explainer is a master storyteller.

Polonius: What do you read, my lord?

Hamlet: Words, words, words.

I read half of the editors introduction to the play. Let's face it, introductions aren't that interesting. It was going on and on about translations and historical imperatives and such drivel, but amongst all of that I got the impression that an interpretation of Hamlet is something attempted by everyone who's ever read it.

So, to disprove this theory, I shall not interpret the story.

I would just like to say, I very much enjoyed it, even though the ending sucked. It's Shakespeare, what should I have expected?

I'm thinking I may read more from the guy...I guess I've always been too intimidated by anthological volumes and frill-filled portraits.

Song [playing on my iPod right now]: You Don't Know Me - Ben Folds & Regina Spektor

Tomorrow: a photo blog. fizinally.

"OMG YOU GUYS!"

One of my favorite people on the entire planet is coming to visit next month.

& also she apparently sometimes stalks my blog, so, hi Erin :waves:

This absolutely counts as a blog post. Come on, it's Saturday.

There is a lot a could say about Erin, but she often leaves me speechless ;)

Song you should totally listen to because Erin recommended it: In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel

Tomorrow: Hamlet

i wouldn't fast forward through them...if i had DVR

I wasn't really thinking this through when I chose TV theme songs for today's blog topic...but, I shall attempt to do that now.

The Gilmore Girls theme song is one of my favorite songs. Not because it necessarily has the greatest musical or lyrical composition, but because it reminds me of my best friend.

Grace and I used to watch Gilmore Girls together all the time. And (while I know you're not the biggest fan of cheesy things like this, Grace) it is basically my song for her =) I miss my sister.

There are other theme songs I really like; Psych's, for instance, is just too perfect for its own good. The Bones theme song is incredo-techno (as is House's, in a different way). I do like some shows with nearly non-existent theme songs, but generally, the theme song enhances the whole thing. There was an amazing episode of Monk a bit after they changed the theme song, got a ton of flack from fans, and changed it back. Sarah Silverman was in it. That's all you need to know (also, basically all I remember).

Another one of my favorite songs is from one of my favorite shows: Cold Case. The theme song is an excerpt from the E.S. Posthumus song "Nara". I am convinced that you could montage it over anything, and it would be moving and make sense somehow. Speaking of music montages, the way Cold Case incorporates music into the last 1-2 minutes of the show is inevitably incredible.

This was another post with excessive links in it. I apologize.

[Please actually listen to]: Nara - E.S. Posthumus

Tomorrow: {undisclosed}

P.S. Epic fail in not mentioning the Chuck theme song. Which is actually a Cake song. Love.

If Your Heart's In The Right Place [Home.]

At the moment, I'm sitting in my kitchen. This room has some pretty gaudy flower wallpaper from the 50's, a light-switch that flips the wrong way, cabinets whose pale yellow color matches my skin tone on a sick day and windows overlooking the bird-feeder collection. And it lacks a dishwasher. But it makes me smile, because it's home.

For a while now, it's been easy for me to call any place "home". I've lived in 17 (18? um...?) different homes in the past 7 years. They've all had their quirks (and, in some of the cookie-cutter Florida apartments, their...lack of quirks) but they've all meant something to me. It's not like I'm particularly attached to any place we've lived, but...wherever we lived at any moment, I think God gave me the grace to call it "home" and mean it.

This phenomenon carried over a little oddly when I toured with Communicators For Christ this past fall, every week a new place to sleep and new people and new experiences. And yet...everywhere felt like home.

This could, of course, be easily explained by the fact that I was with some of the most amazing people in the universe.

"If home is where the heart is, then my home is where you are."

I must've been given more heart than I ever thought possible. Because...my heart is with so many people. & So I think I can find a home anywhere. Because I can find someone I love anywhere (practically). Also because I miraculously find something homey about every place I inhabit.

This will probably make eventual house-hunting fairly easy.

Song [quoted in this post]: I'm Taking You With Me - Relient K

Tomorrow: TV Theme Songs (it'll probably be as lame as you think)

A #2 Pencil & A Broken Heart

http://xkcd.com/499/

[just go look at it, i don't feel like figuring out how to make it show up on my layout right now]

Ah, it's that time again. Spring is in the air, and the SAT is just around the corner.

Last year I was pretty much totally freaking out, like a boss. But, it's true what they say, the SAT turned out to just be a longer version of the PSAT with an essay thrown in for good measure.

[Or, at least, they claim it's for good measure.]

I read the entire prep book, and took a couple of practice tests, so when that Saturday morning came I felt sleepy, but reasonably prepared. I definitely forgot that "the book" had told me to read/write something before I went into the test, so it wouldn't be the first thing I read/wrote that day, and then the first section ended up being the essay...oops. Let's just say, my first written words after a partially sleepless night did not end up being particularly insightful.

[sidenote: one of my reasons for doing BEDA is that it will help me to practice writing every day. Very needed.]

The test wasn't as scary as anticipated and didn't feel as long. But, looking back at it now, a year later, I am hesitant to go into the SAT a second time...very optimistically. Caution has always been my default emotion for these situations, and it has rarely failed me. So I will continue to plod through these SAT prep books, sharpening my #2 pencils, blogging and asking my brother for math help.

When April 30th comes, I will try to get a good night's sleep. & When I awake, to read and write a little. & Go in guarded, and mildly optimistic. I mean, I'm interested in the SAT, but I'm not gonna let it break my heart.

Songs I wrote this blog to: Baby - Justin Bieber (yes. true fact.) & First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

Tomorrow: Home.

P.S. Great quote from Michael about the SAT: "I hate the way they make you apply your knowledge in new ways."

Eyes Open

I have long claimed that going blind is my worst fear.

Sure, death is a little scary. [& Edward Cullen is pretty freaky, too]
But I find the thought of life without sight to be even more frightening.

Constant darkness. It's like an endless claustrophobia of the mind.

[You get the picture. I'm gonna move on.]

As much as I dislike the constant overuse of analogies in blogs, I will now transition into one.

But, oftentimes, I think, it's easy to be blind to the truth. The expression "if it was a dog it would've bit you" isn't just about looking for your keys, it can also apply to direct knowledge (like, I guess, where you left your keys).

If God can restore sight to the blind (what? that's right, I said it), then He can certainly do the same for the metaphorically hard-of-seeing. [is that a phrase? it seems like it would be]

What I'm saying is...sometimes we miss the obvious truths that are staring us in the face. It's a kind of blindness. & Shouldn't it be just as terrifying and breath-quickening, and cause my blood to run just as cold, as optical blindness?

I so often lose sight of the truth. The Truth.

I am never alone.

There is always hope.

Peanut butter ice cream is delicious.

I am weaker than I think.

He is stronger than I can imagine.

Butter should not be eaten by the stick. (or Sweet'N Low by the packet.)

& Jesus loved to the point of death.

Lord, restore my sight.

Tomorrow: The SAT

"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink"

I tend not to get a lot of sleep.

It reminds me of that Beatles song.

..you know i can't sleep, i can't stop my brain...

I know I should probably be getting more sleep than I do [hi mom!], but for some reason even if I go to bed early (for me "early" means "before midnight") I end up waking around 9-10ish, which is when I get up normally (by "normally" i mean "after going to bed past 1").

I like to imagine that the longer I stay up the more I can accomplish. But, really, who am I kidding? I can't get anything worthwhile done in the late hours of the night/early hours of the morning. (That doesn't include chatting with people, which is a beneficial & meaningful pursuit...usually.)

Sometimes I spend two hours reading xkcd/graphjam/MLIA/tfln/FB/other webcomics/etc. without thinking about it. I know, I know, I should keep better track of time. But when the sun's gone down and the schoolbooks have been put away, not even the seventy-two clocks we have in this house can help me remember how long it's been since I did anything productive.

I like reading. Reading is good. But I rarely read in the evenings. Therefore, I am now resolved to read more during the night. After all, lightbulbs were made for a reason. Help me out with this?

KTHXBAI

Tomorrow: Blind.

Identity. {Who am I?}

"For every being cursed with self-awareness there remains the unanswerable question: Who am I?"

I am an ISFJ. {i think}

I am a salsa con queso lover.

I am a photographer. {or as my mom would say: "phratographer"}

I am a writer. {sometimes}

I am a ginger.

I am prone to pack-ratedness.

I enjoy smiling.

But do I find my identity in these things?

I like categorizing myself, I think everybody does. (Yeah, even hipsters...especially hipsters). It feels...safe to know I can place myself in any particular category or set of categories. I am a nerd, subset: Star Trek fan. I am funny, subset: occasionally.

I also like "figuring myself out", learning things about myself, realizing how I work. Hey, I like hot pockets. Good to know. Hey, I enjoy rap music. Also mighty good to know.

When I introduce myself I am introducing the person I think I am. When I say "Hello I'm Katie." I'm really saying, in so many words, "hello, my name is Katie and I hope you like me because I think you are cool and maybe I'm a little cool, too, even if I do get bad sunburns sometimes, and I don't always know what words to use in sentences and I stumble over my own insecurities and failures and...well, hello."

So if I'm presenting this front of myself to everyone I meet and interact with it's probably important for me to know who I am. I can get pretty confused about that some of the time (all of the time). I'd hate to be all "subliI'mawesomeminal" but at the same time an "I am not worthy to be in the same room as you" attitude can be annoying as well.

Who I am to myself determines (at least partially) who I am to other people.

Oh, but, oh, oh, OH!

"The ancient human question 'Who am I?' leads inevitably to the equally important question 'Whose am I?"

I am a child of God. In this I find my true identity. Nothing matters but loving Christ & joyfully obeying Him. To glorify Him with my every thought and breath should be the greatest desire of my heart. In Him I live, in Him I am truly alive, in Him...I am who I am supposed to be.

It isn't easy to remember that, it's so hard. But when I do, or when He reminds me, I know who I am. I know whose I am. I am His.

Oh, and Happy Easter. He is risen!

Song[s] I can't stop listening to: "Love You Madly" by Cake & "What Is Happening?" by Alphabeat

Tomorrow: Sleep[lessness?]

Twitter [or: the masses of ignorance]

Okay, you guys gotta help me with this Blog Every Day in April thing...if I miss a day I have to make a video blog. I won't be blenderizing any happy meals, but you could come up with something interesting for me to do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yes, I have a twitter account. I tweet. And yes, I do feel silly every time I say that word.

Twitter is an awesome way of keeping tracks of all the hilarious things my brother says, like:

Mike: You going to the bank?

Mom: Yeah, did you want me to deposit?

Mike: I want a lollipop.

I've also begun to tweet some of my flickr photos. This is why I use twitter, I also like the interconnectivity with the 100 or so people I know who also...tweet, and I follow a lot of celebrities (because they are amusing) and I follow people who are extremely clever or post awesome links or who are fantastic photographers.

But there's a lot more to twitter than that, let's do a quick overview:

The "Following": Yeah, prima facie it seems a little creepy. I'm "following" my friend Devin. Does that mean I am stalking him? No, not really, what he writes on twitter, he writes for the people who follow him. It's like consensual stalking.

The Users: Practically every company and their mom has a twitter. That means you can get "exclusive offers" and updates from your favorite stores and companies. You can follow Walmart or the SyFy Channel (who have giveaways all the time, dude) or bands, bands are big on twitter. Anyone who has a name on the internet probably has a twitter. That means big youtube stars, webcomic founders and websites like hulu or CLASH Entertainment. If you want, you can even follow Lady Gaga.

The Lingo: Twitter has created its own subset of the English language. Words like "retweet", "twitter" and "fail whale" have become common monickers online. There are "tweetups" and "twitdowns" and Tweety Bird isn't just a cartoon character anymore. Man, I love Tweety Bird.

I feel like this post had an excessive amount of links. Also, no real point.

I can't really "defend" myself for having a twitter, I don't go around tweeting about my daily life every second, or posting only when I want something from my followers, but I'm not particularly profound on twitter either. Some have said that twitter and text messages and short emails have contributed to the downfall of prose and poetry in the everyday. But beauty can be found in 140 characters, like: "I believe that God does everything for a reason. I believe that God's timing is perfect. I believe He is wonderful beyond all imagination." [@dinologist]

I leave you with some of my favorite tweets:

"in honor of ken burns, please slowly move your head from left to right while reading this tweet" [@StephenAtHome]

"It is not the business of the law to make anyone good or reverent or moral or clean or upright. -- Murray N. Rothbard (1926-1995)" [@LibertarianMike]

"...Just realized that fruit loops is actually spelled "froot loops." Consequently hate them forever." [@annalisa2]

"@katiemacmull you're COOLER than Captain Kirk" [@asilannax]

Tomorrow: Identity.

BEDA

My April Fools was that I was not doing Blog Every Day in April.

Unfortunately, that meant I had to fail the very first day.

Oh well. It was worth it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"The thing you fear is impossible. Well and good. Can you therefore cease to fear it? Not here and now. And what then? If you must see ghosts, it is better not to disbelieve in them."

I've been reading That Hideous Strength for the past week. & I've been fearing things...all my life.

Fear is a powerful motivator for demotivation. Especially irrational fears. Even when we recognize these things as irrational, why do we continue to fear them?

I think it's like The Wizard of Oz.

I can't believe I just said that. But, bear with me, it makes sense (sorta). The wizard isn't really a wizard at all, he's a professor from Kansas. But the fancy of the story isn't broken when you learn this, you still believe in the magic; the scarecrow found his brain, the tin man, a heart and the lion, courage. Their self-motivated success is a replacement for the belief in the all-powerful Wizard, when he turns out to be just a man behind a curtain.

So it is with irrational fears. Are we afraid of monsters in the dark, or tripping and falling flat on our faces...in the dark? We may say there's no reason to live in trepidation of the bogeyman or alien invasions, and yet we are sometimes unable to stop our hearts from beating quicker at the thought of approaching darkness or unidentified flying objects.

Perhaps we have replaced our knowledge of our total inadequacy to fight anything in the dark with an impossible monster. Monsters are smaller than our weakness.

Maybe I'm so scared of stupid things because I don't want to face the fact that if I rely on myself I will never overcome anything. I am so weak.

I have a feeling this isn't making a lot of sense, so that's obviously the best place to leave off.

[click to see the picture, if my blog layout is being lame again]

Song I can't stop listening to: Gimme Sympathy by Metric

Tomorrow: Twitter